The Tankapalooza Chronicles

This year is a special year in the NBA. It's an exceptional draft year. The best of the last ten years, maybe of the last twenty. Canadian freak Andrew Wiggins is rumored to be the best player to enter the draft since LeBron James and he's just the icing on the cake. There is supposedly about a dozen budding all-star available and several strong role players, including some of the best players eligible last year, but who decided to remain in school, including Marcus Smart, Dario Saric, Willie Cauley-Stein and Doug McDermott. Next June will reshape the landscape of the NBA's future quite a bit.

So this year, plenty of teams are tanking. They are deliberately trying to suck, to try and get a high draft pick. You might find it shitty (and it is shitty, considering these teams are selling tickets to their games), but if there is a year to throw everything out the window and live off hope and fresh water, this year is the year to do it. So once a month this season, I'll take a look at the 5 worst offenders and see how they're doing. This year, sucking matters. So to speak.

Philadelphia 76ers (3-1)

Has what we once referred to as ''the Great Tanking Train of 2014'' already derailed? If it did, it's for the right reasons. The 76ers are already 3-1 this season, they won a third of the game they were expected to win and they might already have found their superstar. The unlikely, the ''project'' Michael Carter-Williams already averages 20 points a game, along with 7.8 assists and racked up an obscene amount of steals. He's been smart, distruptive and he plays with this wide grin on his face, like he's been having the time of his life. Maybe he just started the year hot, but already love this kid.

How to stay on track: If the Sixers want to keep tanking, they'll need to trade the perpetually unhappy, yet productive Evan Turner. He wants out anyway, so you know. Let him out and live off the rest of the year imagining what MCW, Nerlens Noel and another high-profile rookie would look like playing together.

Phoenix Suns (3-1)

The second most spectacular tanking team is not doing so well either and unlike Philadelphia, it's not because they have found a savior. They even traded Marcin Gortat before the season started, as a precaution. One night, Miles Plumlee drags them out of the hole, the other, it's Gerald Green and Phoenix keeps on winning, oddly enough. On the bright side, I don't think it's bound to last and that they are definitely bound to bottom out. The Western conference is ruthless this year and when the Suns will pick on Houston, San Antonio and OKC, their morale should be battered enough to have them wavering back down. They have a winning record for now, but I can definitely see them get a top 5 pick by the end of the year, which I can't say right now for Philly, because of the way they've been playing.

How to stay on track: Maybe they should just trust mother nature and wait until they run into tough matchups. Maybe they should trade the serviceable Goran Dragic to a winning team, to slow them down even more.

Orlando Magic (2-2)

The Magic is another team that's making a concerted effort to tank. yet it's not working very well. Coach Jacque Vaughn (I'm sure he was tipped off by Handsome Rob) has decided to start Aaron Afflalo over electric rookie Victor Oladipo. Only problem is that Oladipo has shown more Dwyane Wade than Tony Allen, early this year. He racked up some NBA 2K numbers off the bench and and has put together some of the best crowd pleasing moves of this early season. The fans love him already, it's a question of time before they demand him in the starting lineup. Orlando is another team I'm not sure I can see in the bottom 5, based on how they've been playing. There is too much talent ready to explode in this young team.

How to stay on track: Last year, it was the 82 games grind that got to Orlando. Maybe this year, it'll get the best out of them too. I doubt it though. This team is jelling and they will be scary with another top 10 prospect in their lineup. Maybe Marcus Smart was Florida bound all-along.

Utah Jazz (0-4)

Based on what I've seen so far (that includes my abysmal NBA 2K14 MyPlayer campaign), the Jazz is showing every sign of an Andrew Wiggins-bound team. Their offensive firecracker is injured for the next three months, the front court duo doesn't play in synch with one-another and my God, they are carrying a lot of dead weight. The pieces don't add up yet in Utah and nobody wants them to add up this year. They are staying with the program and I can already see Wiggins or maybe Dante Exum in their jersey. 

How to stay on track: They are right on track, heading for the bottom.

Boston Celtics (0-4)

If the conspiracy theorists is right and the NBA draft lottery is fixed, the Boston Celtics will win the draw. It's too good of a story. Boston has been abslutely abysmal during the first week of activity, driving their  rookie coach Brad Stevens to near insanity. The only speed bump I can see in their oddly noble tanking attemps is the return of Rajon Rondo, which I suspect may have the same electrifying effect that the return of John Wall had on Washington last year. But still, Washington drafted third overall due to a lucky lottery draw and I could totally see Boston rocking someone like Jabari Parker in their lineup next year. 

How to stay on track: It's easy, trade Rondo for a bunch of prospects and picks and then the Wigs is yours!